Folks in Houston and parts of Florida are still recovering from hurricanes. Puerto Rico is a once-in-a-lifetime disaster. And, of course there was the tragedy in Las Vegas at the beginning of the week. Tom Petty passed away. All of that had the staff at As The Donald Turns laying low, out of respect. But then Donald resurfaced. All we can say is “We Tried.”

As The Donald Turns; We Tried

• Donald Goes to Puerto Rico. Sounds like a bad movie and it pretty much was. Hurricane Maria hit two weeks ago, and it was nice of the president to finally make a little visit. To this point he has been mostly sparring on twitter with the mayor of San Juan over what is/was needed. We know everyone has seen it so we won’t rehash all of it here. What has been amazing has been how much Donald felt the need to take a victory lap while people were still trying to survive the fallout from the 10^th most intense Atlantic hurricane in history.

@realDonaldTrump  Oct 1

“We have done a great job with the almost impossible situation in Puerto Rico. Outside of the Fake News or politically motivated ingrates,…”

@realDonaldTrump  Oct 1

“…people are now starting to recognize the amazing work that has been done by FEMA and our great Military. All buildings now inspected…..”

We are going to leave the determination as to whether they are doing a good job or not to the experts on the ground. Lt. General Jeffrey Buchanan is running the relief, rescue, and rebuilding efforts and by all counts, he is the right man for the job. When he got there last week, he made it clear that the 10,000 US troops already allocated were not enough. The eight helicopters there needed to be more like 40. But wait. Didn’t Donald say before the general got there, that the US was already well on the way to providing everything Puerto Rico needed?  We tried to believe him. Turns out, like with everything else with him, fcts and details are just a nuisance.

Logistical Issues

Yes, there are logistical issues, with roads washed away; with truck drivers being unable to get fuel in order to transport relief supplies off the docks; there still not being enough food and drinkable water; with hospitals not being able to fully function because of the lack of power. But that was not Donald’s primary issue on his visit. First, he had to settle political scores. He shook the hand of Mayor Carmen Yulín Cruz, and then walked away as she was talking to him. After a week at taking Twitter swipes at a woman who has been sleeping on a cot in an abandoned building and walking through waist-high water to try to get food to people, the president felt this was the treatment she deserved because she did not give him enough adulation.

Second, he had to complain to the people that are suffering, and in some cases, dying about what they are doing to the US federal budget. “I hate to tell you, Puerto Rico, but you’ve thrown our budget a little out of whack — because we’ve spent a lot of money on Puerto Rico and that’s fine, we’ve saved a lot of lives… When you look at a real catastrophe like Katrina and you look at the tremendous, hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people that died, and you look at what happened here, with really a storm that was just totally overpowering, nobody’s ever seen anything like this. And what is your death count right now?”

Yes, he was comparing catastrophes and death counts and telling the suffering citizens of Puerto Rico they should feel fortunate. You know what else wastes the budget, Donald? Your “populist” cabinet flying everywhere on private jets on the US dime.

Third, since he had military people on the ground, it was as good a time as any to brag about what great negotiating he has allegedly done for new equipment.  “Amazing job. So amazing that we’re ordering hundreds of millions of dollars worth of new airplanes for the Air Force, especially the F-35. Do you like the F-35?” he asked a military representative.

Cleanup on Aisle 3

Lastly, it was Donald’s turn to get supplies to the people.

We tried to believe he was not this tone deaf and heartless, but, we were proven wrong.

• FEMA administrator Brock Long explained why two weeks after the hurricane hit, they have not made as much progress as they did in Houston or South Florida. “This is the most logistically challenging event that the United States has ever seen.” We tried to believe he was talking about his department specifically, because, you know, he said the United States. That would imply the country as whole. And, well, there is a US flag on the moon. US astronauts put it there. We are guessing that as a country, this probably is not even close to the most logistically challenging event ever.

• Wednesday morning, Donald wanted to make sure everyone understood how much he was loved in Puerto Rico

@realDonaldTrump  1h1 hour ago

“A great day in Puerto Rico yesterday. While some of the news coverage is Fake, most showed great warmth and friendship.”

Advice on How To Remain Alive

• Wednesday, Donald is visiting Las Vegas, the site of Sunday night’s horrible massacre. We are going to try to believe that he will not throw rolls of paper towels at the wounded. He could deliver the advice of South Dakota Senator John Thune. In an interview with NBC News he said that, given the fact that there’s no way to stop a mass shooting from happening in an “open society,” citizens’ best hope to avoid being violently killed is to duck. I think people are going to have to take steps in their own lives to take precautions to protect themselves. And in situations like that, you know, try to stay safe. As somebody said — get small.” Yes, get small, people.

We have been told that now is not the time to discuss gun control measures. That would be impolite. Better to wait months after the news media and the social conscience has long forgotten the victims in Las Vegas and moved on to another crisis. That way Congress can quietly address bills like the one that had been scheduled for this week which would make it easier to buy silencers for automatic and semi-automatic weapons. But, yeah please advise when it is ok to discuss measures that could save the lives of others, so it does not offend anyone’s sensibilities.

Bad Cop, Worse Cop

• Speaking of weapons and crazy people, the president still has a message for North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. Donald tweeted, for all to see, his advice to the Secretary of State.

@realDonaldTrump  Oct 1

“I told Rex Tillerson, our wonderful Secretary of State, that he is wasting his time trying to negotiate with Little Rocket Man…”

White House insiders have let it leak that Donald wants Kim Jong Un to believe he is crazy and unpredictable. We tried to believe that was a joke, but, all evidence says Donald is both of those things. The same insiders say it is a way for Donald and Tillerson to “Good cop/Bad Cop” the situation. We tried to believe that Donald would not treat international nuclear holocaust like an episode of Law and Order, but it looks like we were proven wrong again.

We tried to lay low. Donald would not let us.